Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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