The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
