I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
