So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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