so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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