I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
