He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
