Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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