actually, I'm a sock model
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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