Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
