best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
