I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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