it was like his penis was on wheels.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
