i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
