All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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