I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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