u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
