Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i think i just lost a toe
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My life is pants optional.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
