I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
