I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
