Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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