I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
