sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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