wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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