We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm really busy with my period
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
