The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
