Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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