when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
