I CAN MOONWALK!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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