I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
