if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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