i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
