saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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