A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
