In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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