My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
