You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
