he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
