Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
