you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
