i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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