I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
