I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
