I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
