i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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