We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
