I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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