I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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