you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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