Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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