Just cropdusted the office
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
