I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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