just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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